'Faces' of oppression...

I mentioned in my last post that it was strange to discover that many women were still abused, yet kept it a secret; even from friends and family. But as I researched further, I came to understand that some are actually ignorant of the fact that they are in abusive relationships. So, as a build up to my last post, this post briefly highlights some oppressive signs to present pointers and perhaps help someone going through such.

Some would wonder why I am passionate about the abuse of women…well of everyone, but I have a softer spot for women because in most cases, they are unable to defend themselves and worse, they are quickly blamed by the society as deserving of whatever woe befalls them. So I use this platform, where I have a little voice, to shout down the oppression of women with the hope that more people will join in this advocacy so we can see all women empowered and live freely! 

Also because this can happen to anyone and in fact happens to a lot more than statistics show. It has creeped in on many women and ravaged their lives leaving them broken and undesirable. Yet these various forms of oppression are often overlooked, denied or excused.

I titled this post as ‘faces’ because oppression takes on different forms for different people. Oppression, whether subtle or obvious only has one mission and that is to belittle and control the oppressed with an attempt to show ‘who is boss’. It could be physical, sexual, emotional/psychological or financial.

I want to narrow down these forms of oppression and beam my lights on psychological oppression or as widely known, emotional abuse. Emotional abuse attacks at one’s self worth and independence. It eventually leaves the abused anxious, lacking in confidence and depressed. Studies have shown that its consequences are very severe and damaging yet it is the most overlooked of abuses.

Some signs of emotional abuse include but are not limited to the following:

• Isolation: the abuser cuts you off from the outside world, family and friends…to increase your dependence on him/her. Requires you to ask for ‘permission’ to do anything.
• Intimidation: Uses a variety of tactics such as threatening gestures, unpleasant tones/words, malice, withdrawal of affection and financial support and so on to scare you into submission.
• Controlling/Domineering: They feel the need to be in charge of the relationship and practically coerce you into accepting their opinions and doing things their way.
• Name-calling and shaming: An abuser will ensure you feel defective and not good enough. He/she will take pleasure in humiliating you until your self-esteem is eroded and you feel powerless.
• Denial and Blame: Abusers tend to make excuses for their bad behaviors and in most cases, they will blame it on you or your actions.

Note: An abuser doesn’t have to exhibit all of these traits to be termed as one. An act of control and manipulation, however it is displayed already makes the person an abuser.

One of the most interesting things I discovered during the study of this subject is that in most cases, both the abuser and abused do not realize there is a problem. The abuser believes he/she is being ‘blunt’ or stating the obvious. Some abusers are actually shallow enough to believe that they are helping the abused. And for the abused, he/she just believes that his/her actions brought about the attack. But the truth is, only an abuser will justify his/her actions of putting down another person, especially someone they claim to love. If you love someone, you will respect and support them no matter what.

Another interesting discovery is that many women have coped with these abuses by pouring themselves into their kids, becoming ‘religious fanatics’ or career obsessed, having an affair but unfortunately, these ‘getaway’ actions cannot fill the void created by the abuse. It’s no wonder some mothers have become unreasonably demanding of their kids.

The effects of an emotional abuse are enormous and go beyond fearful lifestyles, physical or financial restrictions, dashed hopes and suppressed dreams to depression and bitterness which often escalate into medical issues. 

So, If you have been made to feel inadequate or worthless, you will continue to seek activities and achievements to negate that feeling. Only a reprove of your abuser and their words can gain back your total freedom.