Live and let live!

Can we create an atmosphere for people to freely ask for help?

Can we stop being judgmental of someone who has lost her way and help guide them back to the right path…if we know it?

Can women feel comfortable with sharing their problems with whomever they choose and not be condemned for it?

I found myself mulling these questions over in my mind when I heard the appalling tales of women being abused and oppressed yet being secretive about their situations.

First, there is a tale of a well read, relatively exposed husband, beating his wife with a belt! A good looking couple who most people would admire. A young couple who had barely been married for 3 years. Sadly, the lady chose not to share her domestic issues with friends or family until an incident was witnessed by a family member.

I can’t but wonder why she chose to keep such a monstrous experience to herself. Perhaps for fear of being mocked or demeaned. It then got me thinking…despite all the awareness on ‘say no to domestic violence’; how many women out there are going through some kind of oppression and would rather feign perfection than ask for help? Or do they choose to live in denial for fear of being judged?

Another tale was on an older couple. The woman condoned insults and assaults from her husband who is a ‘respected elder’ in the church. She bottled up her trauma and kept up appearances in the midst of friends to maintain her husband’s dignity. Is this a display of submission and chastity or ‘modern day slavery and oppression?’ Whoever told women that they will be condemned for calling out an abuser? But I guess our judging society says it all.

And then there was another story of a young lady who endured assaults from her boyfriend partly because she was ashamed to share and actually hopeful that he will get married to her eventually because her so-called biology clock was ticking.

I could go on and on about different abusive scenarios endured by women but that’s not the focus of this write up.

So I came to these conclusions:

We are not as accommodating or supportive as we think we are. Well, we are ‘good listeners’ but only for the sake of relaying the ‘gist’ to another friend or so you can judge the abused. We are not liberal or open-minded despite our exposures. We lack the intelligence of relativism and are confined to archaic perceptions that do more harm than good.

Who are these ‘WE’? Permit me to say the average person out there…who would rather hear that their friends made the 'right choices' from the start than help them through their ‘messy’ experiences.

Shouldn’t a woman who is violated feel free to speak up for help rather than die in the fog of silence?

According to a UN report on ending violence against women, a whopping 70% of women worldwide have experienced physical, sexual or financial abuse from their partners. As a matter of fact, one in five women still experience some kind of abuse from their partners.

This is a real epidemic! It’s time we stop being so judgmental so the abused can speak up and get help. And for the abused…it’s time to stop feeling so fearful or ashamed. It is not a normal occurrence in all homes nor is it ‘your burden to bear’. You are being oppressed and should wiggle yourself out of that distasteful situation.

NB: Oppression is when people make others less human.

I will be throwing some light on the faces of oppression in my next post so we can tackle the monster when it rears its ugly head in our lives.