Would you leave or stay?

Alice texted me last week to say she was planning to move out of her matrimonial home.

Alice was my childhood friend of about thirty years. She got married when we were twenty-four and had six children in the eight years of her marriage. We often teased her about wanting to give birth to an entire football squad!

 With the text I received, it didn’t seem like a football joke anymore. I called her up immediately.

“Alice, are you Ok?” I asked, my voice laced with concern.

“Yes, I am but I’m just tired” She responded, sounding drained.

“Would you like to talk?” I prompted.

Responding in the affirmative, She went on to tell me of her recent disagreement with her husband, Philip. He wanted more kids! She went on to tell him that she was tired of being a housewife. She loved her kids but didn’t want more. She wanted to get a job and build a career. The discussion that barely began, ended in a heated argument.

 “The worst part was when he said that it was not a negotiation but an order! Can you imagine that mindset in this century? I just hissed and walked out on him.” She continued.

 “I love my kids but I also need a life. If something happens to him, how will I cope if I don’t have a source of livelihood? Remember what happened to Nma...” Her voice trembled with tears.

 Nma was our other friend who lost her husband, Chike, a year ago. He was a businessman while he insisted that she remain a housewife to take care of his kids. When he died, his family collected everything they owned and she was stranded with two daughters to fend for.

“I understand what you’re saying but leaving him is not the solution. You need to have a talk with him or get a counselor, not shout at him. Almost all public hospitals have family planning services. Just go with him for counseling so that you know what options are best for your family and together you can get it done” 

I went on to tell her that family planning is often misunderstood. There are too many unsubstantiated claims about the methods available as well as falsehood. What are the facts then?

Adopting family planning lowers the unacceptably high rate of maternal and infant mortality. Family planning (FP) helps provide women and families with:

• The ability to determine the number and spacing of children freely and responsibly.
• Protection against unintended pregnancies and arising complications
• The possibility for women to pursue education and, or paid employment to enhance their economic well being and that of their immediate communities.
• Improved health and happiness for mothers and children alike

In general, all of the contraceptive methods are safe to use because harmful side effects are extremely rare. Potential users may be concerned about side effects and harm to health. Generally, counseling and client education can help users understand and accept a possible side effect without being afraid of serious health consequences.

 “Alice, You can end up having 11 children for your football club. Family planning doesn’t limit the quantity of children you can bear. It also encourages child birth spacing so that you will all lead healthier and happier lives,” I concluded. “So, what do you think?”

“I think this is the best talk we’ve had in ages. It puts things in perspective and I think Philip will be more receptive of this idea. I will make his favorite fish pepper soup tonight. Thereafter, I will turn on my charm and have the talk with him. 

Thanks for coming to my rescue” Alice replied, sounding rather pleased.

Written by Kaseina Dashe