What is your love language? What makes you tick?

I read an excerpt from the popular book 'Five Love Languages' authored by Dr. Gary Chapman and my...it was an interesting discovery. Apparently, we respond to and show love differently. An action that could be breathe taking to someone may just be an 'ok' gesture for another. It is no wonder people get frustrated in love relationships. You think you have done it all, expressed all the love required for a healthy relationship yet there remains so much anonymity and dissatisfaction in the air. 

Gary Chapman explains that the frustrations remain because you are expressing your concept of love to your partner rather than understanding what love is to them and responding accordingly. 

A simple way you can understand what love means to your partner is to observe how they express love, what they complain about in the relationship and what they request of their partners.

As in communication, if there is no understanding between both parties, you would keep talking just for the sake of exercising your jaws, not for progressive actions.

Picture this: You ask me for directions in English and I respond to you in French which you don’t understand. Will you make progress or remain on that spot?

Even so, I believe you are in a relationship to support one another in achieving your dreams (as individuals and as a couple). Not to remain in the ring of arguments, competition or malice. We all respond to love. Either for the purpose of bringing out the best in us and, or to encourage us to give our best. So if you are serious about making your relationship work and may I add…exciting; get off your high horses of assuming you know it all about your partner and learn about the different love languages so you know what makes your partner ‘tick’.

Here is a brief description of the 5 love languages:

Act of Service/Devotion: ‘Action speaks louder than words’ for these people. Any help you can offer to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on your partner will speak volumes to this person. The word they most want to hear is: ‘let me do it for you’, whether chores, assignments, errands etc. anything that is important to him/her. Laziness, broken commitments or creating more work for them tell people in this category that their feelings don’t matter.

Words of Affirmation: For these people, ‘words speak louder than actions’. Unsolicited compliments and endearing words mean the world to them. And then they are more excited when they hear the reasons behind your love for them. Insults on the other hand leave them shattered and they don’t forget such easily.

Physical touch: This is not just about sex or the bedroom. Rather physical presence and accessibility. Expressions such as hugs, holding hands, thoughtful touches speak volumes to these people. Physical touch represents love, care and concern and foster a sense of security and belonging in their relationship. On the other hand, abuse or neglect is unforgivable and destructive to such people.

Quality time: Sharing quality conversations and activities means a lot to these people. Nothing says ‘I love you’ to them like undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical and makes them feel truly loved and special. Not listening, being distracted, or postponing dates can be really hurtful.

Receiving Gifts: This should not be mistaken for materialism. The thoughts and effort behind the gift instead speaks volumes of love to this person. It shows them that they are known, cared for and top priority to their partners. A missed celebration or hasty, thoughtless gift is very hurtful to this person.

Now this is not to say these 5 ways are exhaustive on love expressions. They however give a print on how people want to be loved.

So start your adventure with taking this test and if possible, encourage your partner to take it as well and share your findings on my blog! 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

I took the test and was surprised to see that ‘Act of Service’ was high on my list! No wonder I don’t think you have shown me enough love unless you climb the mountains or break your back…just kidding…lol!