Ask, Seek and Mingle!

I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago on the difficulty of finding a decent spouse. She compared the ordeal to looking for a needle in a haystack and we both laughed at the extreme analogy partly because it was an exaggeration but mainly because technically, there are more men in the world than women. Not a healthy difference, but significant enough to counter the anxiety of ‘men’ emptying out in the world. According to a recent human sex ratio report by the Central Intelligence Agency, there is an average of 107 boys/men to 100 girls/women. Now, whether these men are in your city or meet your criteria is another ball game. I want to attempt to jump the hurdle of even meeting and dating. So all I’m asking is that you keep an open mind and attempt these processes of mine in a quest to uncover all the ‘needles in the haystack’!

Let’s start with ASKING. You can call it praying, but I want to strip it bare so you don’t make it overly spiritual and lose sight of my intended perspective. So I say ‘ask’! Rather than shield your prayer requests in assumed intelligent mumbo-jumbos, say it as it is. Ask God for a spouse or if you prefer pray that He orchestrates your meeting because you are asking Him for what you heartily desire and what He wants you to have anyway. So quit being shy, insecure stubborn or proud about it.

Next we proceed to SEEKING. Look at this as conducting a research: Do your homework on where and how to find good, date-able guys. An article from Time Magazine reveals that in the United States for example, on a broad spectrum, there are more single men between the ages of 20 to 35 on the east coast but this starts dwindling past age 35 so, catch them young! But in specifics, should you be open to relocating for the sake of getting more dates; then you may want to move to Oklahoma, Tennessee, Seattle, North or South Dakota! Then around the world, countries like Denmark, China, Egypt, Algeria etc. may just be what you need for ‘answered prayers’. But before we get too scientific and blame the ‘man-scarcity-syndrome’ on where we reside, my point is, take action. After all, faith without works is meaningless. There are more single men in some industries, professions or settlements even in Countries that didn’t pop up on Time Magazine map (for example Canada, UK or Nigeria). You only need to do some ‘research’. Although some of these so-called available men are caught up in a hunt for wealth, confused about their sexuality, scared of commitment or just immature for the long haul. But maintain a positive outlook on your search. Just as you put in a lot of effort when seeking a job. You send out applications, you attend credible job fairs, ask friends and family for referrals or job opportunities or even give that demeaning job a chance for the hope of subsequently landing a better one (in the case of relationship, this will mean agreeing to go out on a date with a person that seems unassuming); even so you should put the search effort into getting a spouse. Ask friends ‘boldly’ for referrals, become more social (attend productive social events abounding with men!), participate in religious activities with an amiable personality, join online dating platforms (if you are comfortable with it), relax your stereotypes (there is nothing wrong with giving someone of another race, tribe or even complexion a chance…lol), be friendly and approachable at work, stores, airport or anywhere you find yourself! Your cool dude may just be the next person that asks you for directions.

Pont des Arts bridge Paris...Lovers bridge.

In case you are wondering…the referral game worked for me…that’s how I met my husband *wink.

Finally, CONNECT & MINGLE. When you meet someone and go on a date, make it obvious that you are interested without being desperate provided there is a connection of course. Guys like to know they are wanted and their efforts appreciated before they agree to enthusiastically proceed on subsequent dates. Give your date the benefit of the doubt that he is worth a trial and second chance even if the first date flops. Do a quick mental work on who he is and what he values so you can connect with him on a deeper level, to make you unforgettable. Pursue to be friendly above all and if he has his head screwed on right, you would have ‘uncovered, as well as sewed down your own needle from the haystack’!